Here I am

"Here I am, send me." Those five words are about to come true on Friday. My mom and I leave on Friday for Romania. I am so excited and so ready to go. God has been teaching me to trust Him and have faith. He has been teaching me to trust Him that He will provide. We leave in three days and we still haven't raised all the money. I know he will provide but it's so hard to just give it up to him. I reluctantly gave it to him, and I am trying to be patient. God is teaching me that it's okay to wait. It's okay to trust him and let him come through.

Our flight leaves bright and early Friday morning. Pray for safe travels, no delayed baggage, smooth travelling. Pray that God will be present in each of the team members. Pray that God will change our lives. Break our hearts for what breaks his. Let us be his hands and feet.

"But blessed are those who trust in the LORD and have made the LORD their hope and confidence." -Jeremiah 17:7

And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?" Then I said, "Here am I! Send me." -Isaiah 6:8

"You hold all things suspended, all things connected...."

Well I haven't updated in a really long time. Life has been...well busy. I can't believe I'm almost done with my junior year of high school. Tonight we said goodbye to the seniors of my youth group. That's going to be me next year. Although I wasn't super close with the seniors, it was still emotional to see them go. Life is funny sometimes....it seems like this year has flown by so fast. I'm so grateful for all the things that I have learned this year. I have grown a lot, and I am still growing. My mom and I are officially going back to Romania this summer. There are no words to express at how excited I am to go and see those wonderful kids again. I had a dream the other night that I got to talk/see one of the kids that I bonded with last summer, and it made my heart ache in wanting to see him. God has great things in store for our team in Romania.

God has been teaching me lately/this past year on letting go. Letting go of control is not something I enjoy--I suspect that most of us don't. One of my favorite songs right now is Mended by Watermark. In my last theatre performance there was a dance to that song and I was amazed at how I could worship God just by watching that dance. I feel so...blessed and honored that I have the privilege of having a relationship with God. He's so amazing. I have also been struggling with some desire issues. I have been wanting *my* guy. The perfect one. It's so hard to let go (my two favorite words) of that and give it to God. I have been getting better, but it's one of those things where it's a constant struggle. I am so grateful for my friends. They have impacted in countless ways that most of them don't even know. Solid friendships are so important and I'm so glad that I have developed them. I want to encourage whoever is reading this: God has a plan for you. Don't get discouraged because things will get better. Let God work in you in the remaining weeks of school and through the summer. Let's live life for Him and Him only. I love you, Lord.

Psalm 139:13-16

Happy Birthday

Dear God, tomorrow is Your birthday. You are so amazing. Every day I am amazed by You. To think that you came into the world as a tiny baby, is incredible to me. I know sometimes it's hard for me to remember that Christmas is about You, but I will stop and just pray tomorrow. 2000 years ago tomorrow you came to save us. Us sinners. I want to say thanks. You are so amazing. I love you with all that I have. Thank you.
Love,
Your daughter and servant.

Content and Grateful

I have learned many things about being content and grateful. This past weekend was really hard because my dad was in the hospital for some intestinal problems. But what hit me was how much I would miss him. Normally, I don't miss him very much when he's on a business trip because it's nice just to have girls nights with my mom and sister; but this was completely different. I didn't know when he would come home. I am so grateful that I have a dad like him, he was able to come home today and he feels a lot better. So, Dad if you're reading this I love you very much and am so happy you're home. Content. Seven letters of difficulty. I am learning to be content with my life. Every spring break my church goes on a mission trip to Mexico and every year I ask my parents if I can go and every year it's a no. The past two years I have been super bummed and angry that I wasn't able to go. This year I was super bummed and angry that I couldn't go. Then, I realized something. I was being so selfish. God will use me wherever I am and it doesn't have to be in Mexico. I should be thankful that 500+ teenagers want to go on a mission trip and spread God's love! Sometimes we just have to put aside our initial feelings, sit back, and look at the bigger picture. I am going to try to serve in any way possible over spring break, whether it be at the church or anywhere else. Thank you God, for life. Thank you for love and passion. Thank you that I can be me around You. Thank you for friends and family. Thank you that you're always here. I am Your servant, use me in any way, shape, or form. I am the clay, mold me into who You want me to be.

Bittersweet Memories

It is halfway through October already. How did that happen? School has been incredibly busy and I'm still wondering how I ever juggled gymnastics into it. Today was a hard day in some ways. After horseback riding, I found my heart aching for Romania. I started missing a bunch of the kids and just wanting to reach out to them physically. Sometimes it's so hard to not necessarily forget them but to not think about them. Not one day goes by where I don't think about them, but when I do it's like a small flash of pain because I miss them. I don't know if you have every experienced this, you have probably experienced it more with a loved one, like a sibling, husband, boyfriend etc. These kids will always have my heart. I love them as my family. It's amazing what love does to you. On October 24th there is a mission worship night where all the people who went on a mission trip to come to that and there are people speaking from each team who went on a mission trip. I am talking about Romania. As I prepare for it, I get more nervous but I'm finding it hard to express everything that happened there because some things are just so amazing that you can't put it into words. It's funny, I will be getting sucked up into my life then someone says something that reminds me of Romania. Lately I have been finding myself seeimg people that look like one of the kids and I do a double take. My biggest fear when I came home was that I would forget some of the kids' names or forget them completely. Writing and thinking right now, I know I will never ever forget them. God has been teaching me lately to completely trust Him and be bold. Sometimes I forget that He actually does have a plan. In being bold, I've learned to be more outgoing about my faith and just in general. I've realised that it really doesn't matter what people think. I've begun to stop caring and I'm completely content with it. I've developed the attitude of 'who cares' but in a good way. Oh, my new favorite song is The House That Built Me by Miranda Lambert, love it. I hope all of you have a great weekend. Love you all.

Who are you living for?

Ever had that moment of what am I going to do with my life? I had that last week, except it was more of freaking out about college. (Truth be told I'm still freaking out a little bit) It is so hard to trust God and know that He will guide you in what He wants you to do, not what YOU want to do, but what HE wants you to do. I have some ideas of what I want to do, but I don't know if it is what I will actually do or if it even is what God wants me to do. I don't know about you, but it's really hard for me to trust God that He knows what He is doing. I've been struggling with this lately, trying to figure out what God wants me to do. Next year I'm going to be a senior, if this year is going to be anything like last year it is going to fly by. Where do I want to go to college? What should I do with my life? Should I even go to college? These question have been floating around in my mind. You need to know that God has a specific plan for you, He is going to open the doors to lead you in what you do. We need to grasp this; we need to cling to this fact. In the end, it is our choice if we fill follow Him. What will you choose?

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans for a hope and a future." ~Jeremiah 29:11

Love Your Life

Well, my apologies for not updating in quite some time. So much has happened since when I last updated that I don't know where to begin. Well I can't really remember what happened right after my May post so I'll just go as far back as I can. (You can also go to my mom's blog and and read and see pictures: norcalbrumfields.blogspot.com) Well, on July 23rd I left for Romania with my mom and was there until August 6. Best two weeks of my life. I miss the kids there so much, but it was so great working with them and making them smile. To let these kids know that they have someone who cares about them and loves them is priceless. We put on three Vbs type of camps with three different age groups from two different orphanages. One was called Peris, (pronounced Parish) and the other Rosior. (Prounounced Roshir) Peris is close by and that's the orphanage we visited, but Rosior was 2 1/2 hours away, so the kids we saw at the camps from Rosior was the only time we saw them. Anyway, the first camp was 3-8 year olds and our whole team did that camp. The other two camps are team split in half, one was at the camp and the other was at the orphanage or the baby hospital. So the first camp was kinda exhausting because the kids were at the age where they would go everywhere and hyper, well you know. But I love those kids to death, some of them were just so crazy hyper, it was hilarious to be with them. A couple of highlights is when I played with Stefan (crazzzy kid) after dinner one night with the soccer ball for about a hour. These kids love soccer and they are brilliant at it especially the older kids. Another highlight was at the complex, a park, I was playing with this boy named Georgita and he was super shy and wouldn't really talk and then at the complex he totally broke out into smiles and just had fun. The second camp was older kids, 18-20 year olds. The kids stay in the orphanage until they are about 21 or 22. Now, I wasn't sure if I wanted to do this camp because there were going to be 10 guys and 5 girls and I wasn't sure how I would bond with the older kids. I decided to do it because I really wanted to meet Catalin who had bonded with my other team member and he just sounded like a great guy. So I decided to do the camp, and it was my favorite. I got close to a few of the guys and it was just great to work with them. The guys were oh so flirty though, I earned my respect by showing them I wouldn't tolerate that and Lenuta told me later that at the complex the second day the guys were calling me their sister. :) Florin, one of my boys, was so sweet and nice. He is a great kid and wants to become a professional soccer player. All the guys are ridiculously good at soccer, because that's all they do at the orphanage. I also got close to Catalin and his twin brother Aurel. Catalin is super sweet and protective, not in a bad way of protectiveness but you feel safe with him. Aurel is an artist, and an amazing one at that. Marian, who was really disrespectful to me at first was really sweet. I started talking to him through a translator and he is such a good guy. He wants to go to an university and he has two older and two younger sisters and he has just so many stuff he wants to do. Florin and Marian are from Rosior and Catalin and Aurel are from Peris. Marian speaks and understands English really well, better than all the other kids; most of them just know a tiny bit like Thank you, your welcome, how are you, and good. On the last day, Marian told me he would miss me and he hopes I will come back. I love them all so much. I left a piece of my heart in Romania. When I went to the orphanage, at first I didn't like it at all. It really upset me in fact. I was frustrated with how it was run, (the first time I went I didn't know any of the kids) and just it kinda looked like a prison to me. One of my team leaders, she had been before, told me I needed to go back. When I went back the second time I was really excited to go and see my other kids and I enjoyed it so much. I met this girl, Maria. Such a sweet girl, one of the girls I got close with. She showed all around the orphanage, showed me her garden, and drew on me. I told her about my garden in America and it was great meeting her. My last day there she was hanging on to me as we walked to the van, it was really hard but great to know that she cared about me that much. I told her I loved very much and would miss her. Adjusting back to here has been very hard. But I've been doing a lot better, there are good and bad days. I'm counting down the days until I can go back, but in the mean time I am writing letters to the kids, praying for them, and focusing on what I can do here. If you haven't been on a mission trip, I would definitely encourage you to go. It will chang your life, it changed mine. I have so many more stories from Romania which I can't all say here because my post is already super long. Well, I can't figure out how to post pictures right now, so I'll try to post some soon. Have a wonderful day/week!