Happy Birthday

Dear God, tomorrow is Your birthday. You are so amazing. Every day I am amazed by You. To think that you came into the world as a tiny baby, is incredible to me. I know sometimes it's hard for me to remember that Christmas is about You, but I will stop and just pray tomorrow. 2000 years ago tomorrow you came to save us. Us sinners. I want to say thanks. You are so amazing. I love you with all that I have. Thank you.
Love,
Your daughter and servant.

Content and Grateful

I have learned many things about being content and grateful. This past weekend was really hard because my dad was in the hospital for some intestinal problems. But what hit me was how much I would miss him. Normally, I don't miss him very much when he's on a business trip because it's nice just to have girls nights with my mom and sister; but this was completely different. I didn't know when he would come home. I am so grateful that I have a dad like him, he was able to come home today and he feels a lot better. So, Dad if you're reading this I love you very much and am so happy you're home. Content. Seven letters of difficulty. I am learning to be content with my life. Every spring break my church goes on a mission trip to Mexico and every year I ask my parents if I can go and every year it's a no. The past two years I have been super bummed and angry that I wasn't able to go. This year I was super bummed and angry that I couldn't go. Then, I realized something. I was being so selfish. God will use me wherever I am and it doesn't have to be in Mexico. I should be thankful that 500+ teenagers want to go on a mission trip and spread God's love! Sometimes we just have to put aside our initial feelings, sit back, and look at the bigger picture. I am going to try to serve in any way possible over spring break, whether it be at the church or anywhere else. Thank you God, for life. Thank you for love and passion. Thank you that I can be me around You. Thank you for friends and family. Thank you that you're always here. I am Your servant, use me in any way, shape, or form. I am the clay, mold me into who You want me to be.

Bittersweet Memories

It is halfway through October already. How did that happen? School has been incredibly busy and I'm still wondering how I ever juggled gymnastics into it. Today was a hard day in some ways. After horseback riding, I found my heart aching for Romania. I started missing a bunch of the kids and just wanting to reach out to them physically. Sometimes it's so hard to not necessarily forget them but to not think about them. Not one day goes by where I don't think about them, but when I do it's like a small flash of pain because I miss them. I don't know if you have every experienced this, you have probably experienced it more with a loved one, like a sibling, husband, boyfriend etc. These kids will always have my heart. I love them as my family. It's amazing what love does to you. On October 24th there is a mission worship night where all the people who went on a mission trip to come to that and there are people speaking from each team who went on a mission trip. I am talking about Romania. As I prepare for it, I get more nervous but I'm finding it hard to express everything that happened there because some things are just so amazing that you can't put it into words. It's funny, I will be getting sucked up into my life then someone says something that reminds me of Romania. Lately I have been finding myself seeimg people that look like one of the kids and I do a double take. My biggest fear when I came home was that I would forget some of the kids' names or forget them completely. Writing and thinking right now, I know I will never ever forget them. God has been teaching me lately to completely trust Him and be bold. Sometimes I forget that He actually does have a plan. In being bold, I've learned to be more outgoing about my faith and just in general. I've realised that it really doesn't matter what people think. I've begun to stop caring and I'm completely content with it. I've developed the attitude of 'who cares' but in a good way. Oh, my new favorite song is The House That Built Me by Miranda Lambert, love it. I hope all of you have a great weekend. Love you all.

Who are you living for?

Ever had that moment of what am I going to do with my life? I had that last week, except it was more of freaking out about college. (Truth be told I'm still freaking out a little bit) It is so hard to trust God and know that He will guide you in what He wants you to do, not what YOU want to do, but what HE wants you to do. I have some ideas of what I want to do, but I don't know if it is what I will actually do or if it even is what God wants me to do. I don't know about you, but it's really hard for me to trust God that He knows what He is doing. I've been struggling with this lately, trying to figure out what God wants me to do. Next year I'm going to be a senior, if this year is going to be anything like last year it is going to fly by. Where do I want to go to college? What should I do with my life? Should I even go to college? These question have been floating around in my mind. You need to know that God has a specific plan for you, He is going to open the doors to lead you in what you do. We need to grasp this; we need to cling to this fact. In the end, it is our choice if we fill follow Him. What will you choose?

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans for a hope and a future." ~Jeremiah 29:11

Love Your Life

Well, my apologies for not updating in quite some time. So much has happened since when I last updated that I don't know where to begin. Well I can't really remember what happened right after my May post so I'll just go as far back as I can. (You can also go to my mom's blog and and read and see pictures: norcalbrumfields.blogspot.com) Well, on July 23rd I left for Romania with my mom and was there until August 6. Best two weeks of my life. I miss the kids there so much, but it was so great working with them and making them smile. To let these kids know that they have someone who cares about them and loves them is priceless. We put on three Vbs type of camps with three different age groups from two different orphanages. One was called Peris, (pronounced Parish) and the other Rosior. (Prounounced Roshir) Peris is close by and that's the orphanage we visited, but Rosior was 2 1/2 hours away, so the kids we saw at the camps from Rosior was the only time we saw them. Anyway, the first camp was 3-8 year olds and our whole team did that camp. The other two camps are team split in half, one was at the camp and the other was at the orphanage or the baby hospital. So the first camp was kinda exhausting because the kids were at the age where they would go everywhere and hyper, well you know. But I love those kids to death, some of them were just so crazy hyper, it was hilarious to be with them. A couple of highlights is when I played with Stefan (crazzzy kid) after dinner one night with the soccer ball for about a hour. These kids love soccer and they are brilliant at it especially the older kids. Another highlight was at the complex, a park, I was playing with this boy named Georgita and he was super shy and wouldn't really talk and then at the complex he totally broke out into smiles and just had fun. The second camp was older kids, 18-20 year olds. The kids stay in the orphanage until they are about 21 or 22. Now, I wasn't sure if I wanted to do this camp because there were going to be 10 guys and 5 girls and I wasn't sure how I would bond with the older kids. I decided to do it because I really wanted to meet Catalin who had bonded with my other team member and he just sounded like a great guy. So I decided to do the camp, and it was my favorite. I got close to a few of the guys and it was just great to work with them. The guys were oh so flirty though, I earned my respect by showing them I wouldn't tolerate that and Lenuta told me later that at the complex the second day the guys were calling me their sister. :) Florin, one of my boys, was so sweet and nice. He is a great kid and wants to become a professional soccer player. All the guys are ridiculously good at soccer, because that's all they do at the orphanage. I also got close to Catalin and his twin brother Aurel. Catalin is super sweet and protective, not in a bad way of protectiveness but you feel safe with him. Aurel is an artist, and an amazing one at that. Marian, who was really disrespectful to me at first was really sweet. I started talking to him through a translator and he is such a good guy. He wants to go to an university and he has two older and two younger sisters and he has just so many stuff he wants to do. Florin and Marian are from Rosior and Catalin and Aurel are from Peris. Marian speaks and understands English really well, better than all the other kids; most of them just know a tiny bit like Thank you, your welcome, how are you, and good. On the last day, Marian told me he would miss me and he hopes I will come back. I love them all so much. I left a piece of my heart in Romania. When I went to the orphanage, at first I didn't like it at all. It really upset me in fact. I was frustrated with how it was run, (the first time I went I didn't know any of the kids) and just it kinda looked like a prison to me. One of my team leaders, she had been before, told me I needed to go back. When I went back the second time I was really excited to go and see my other kids and I enjoyed it so much. I met this girl, Maria. Such a sweet girl, one of the girls I got close with. She showed all around the orphanage, showed me her garden, and drew on me. I told her about my garden in America and it was great meeting her. My last day there she was hanging on to me as we walked to the van, it was really hard but great to know that she cared about me that much. I told her I loved very much and would miss her. Adjusting back to here has been very hard. But I've been doing a lot better, there are good and bad days. I'm counting down the days until I can go back, but in the mean time I am writing letters to the kids, praying for them, and focusing on what I can do here. If you haven't been on a mission trip, I would definitely encourage you to go. It will chang your life, it changed mine. I have so many more stories from Romania which I can't all say here because my post is already super long. Well, I can't figure out how to post pictures right now, so I'll try to post some soon. Have a wonderful day/week!

Salt and Light

These past few weeks I have been really busy. I am still trying to finish up school and have had no time to update my blog. Anyway, a couple of weeks ago my pastor was speaking on Joshuah 21 and he was talking about how we need to be the salt and light of the world; that when Christians clump together and just hang out with Christians it's like have too much salt on something. Like when you bake cookies you only put a pinch of salt in it, not 2 tablespoons, then the cookies would taste disgusting. Ever since that sermon salt and light has been coming up everywhere for me. In my morning Bible study, (I have one for school and I'm also going the through the book Unchristian, great book by the way) it has been talking about it so much. I'm just like, okay God are you trying to tell me something? Then today in my small group it came up again! We were studying Mathew 5:1-20, and the whole section on salt and light were in those verses. I think God has been trying to tell me something. (duh haha) Honestly, I'm not sure in a way. Like I think I know what He is trying to tell me, but at the same time I don't want to guess and have it just be me talking you know? I think that He has been trying to tell me that in order to be proper disciples of Christ we need to be the light of the world. We need to be the light to the hurting people, in the dark world we need to shine. Last night in youth group we sang the song, You Deserve by Hillsong. The chorus goes: "Now in the darkness, God's light shines, Christ forever glorified," and it keeps going. That's the main point, in the darkness God's light shines, we are appointed to be God's light and salt. We need to be sprinkled everywhere shining God's light. We need to be bold, who cares if being bold means getting out of our comfort zone? Why should we be afraid, when we have the God who created the universe love us unconditionally for who WE are? He loves US, He is our best friend. Too much salt in one area doesn't taste good, when Christians clump together we don't make any difference. Isn't that our purpose in this world? To make a difference in Christ's name and for Christ? I'm not saying that Christians never be together, not at all, we NEED to be together to build each other up and grow with each other. But we also need to balance that with being a light in the world. That's what has been on my heart lately, here is your love verse of the day:

"I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one spirit--just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call--one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all." ~Ephesians 4:1-6

God's Love Today

My heart aches as I think about what Christ did for us 2000 years ago. I just got back from my church's Good Friday service. Honestly, I wasn't expecting it to affect me the way that it did. We basically worshipped God the whole time and I found myself weeping because I couldn't fathom how God would send His only son to die for ME. Me who has screwed up uncountable times, me who is a walking contradiction, me who desperately loves God but fails each and every single day. How can God love a sinner? How can His love be so deep and intimate that He can forgive us of our same mistakes day after day? I can't imagine, I guess that's why He is God and I'm not. As I sit here typing away, I'm thinking why is it called Good Friday? To Jesus' disciples there was nothing "good" about today at all. Their messiah died a horrible death, reserved for those who are thieves and of the lowest class. As I sat in the service crying, I thought how can God still love me? For that matter, how can God still love every single person in this sanctuary? We fail day after day, and yet Jesus is still beside us loving us more than ever and forgiving us. He is our Teacher, teaching us to be more like Him and less like ourselves. When I think about today 2000 years ago, even though I'm filled with shame and regrets from my past, I also feel God's love even more surrounding me. I can feel Him telling me it's ok to feel ashamed, but He still loves me and always will. It is so hard to grasp that sometimes in our hectic lives, I have been trying to go through life with this in mind: How can I be scared, worried, or nervous when I have the God who made the entire universe who loves ME personally and who is beside me. As you go about your Easter activites, think about this: God sent His son so that we may live, not sit and do nothing, but be a light and do something. I pray that all of us (including me) will grasp this, that we are God's children and He will love us no matter what. We will make mistakes, but He is always there.

Here is the verse of the day:
"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son that Whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life." ~John 3:16

Being the Clay

In my morning Bible study, the potter and the clay has been coming up a lot lately. I started thinking about Isaiah 64:8, "But now, O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand." I think we sometimes try to reverse it. We want to be the potter and mold God into whatever fits our needs. We try to control God and put Him in a box and take Him out whenever we feel like it. That's not right. We need to let God mold us into what He wants us to be. If we try to mold ourselves, or God, He can't use us in our best way. He won't be able to minister through us to other people. We wouldn't have the right attitude towards life. We would be acting like we were in control all the time. If we are focusing on how to mold each other and ourselves, we would be blind to God working around us. We would be deaf to God asking us to work with Him. We need to stop trying to be the potter and let God do it. That's His job, not ours. Our job is to let Him mold us into the person we ought to be. And to let you know, I'm not trying to be high and mighty about anything I talk about, (not at all!) because I do everything that I talk about too. I'm only human, I doing the best I can. I'm just writing my thoughts down as one person to another.

Here is the love verse of the day:
"So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith--that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:17-19

Love isn't an Emotion, it's a Will

Today in my morning Bible study I was reading Mere Christianity. C.S. Lewis was talking about charity; he said that 'charity means love in the Christian sense'. My favorite quote of the chapter was this: "It [love] is a state not of the feeling but of the will; that state of the will which we have naturally about ourselves, and must learn to have about other people." So many people say that they don't want charity, they don't want help. I think though, charity isn't giving money to people or being nice to them, it's genuinely loving others as you would love your best friend. There are so many people in this world that hate or dislike others for petty reasons; granted, there are some people who have done horrible things that have been hated rightly so. But at the same time, shouldn't we love the sinner and hate the sin? I know, it's way easier said than done, and to be honest I'm horrible at it. (I'm trying to work on it) I think we need to pray that God gives us the strength to love the sinner and hate the sin; it will take a long time to develop that skill, probably your entire life. But even if we are working on it it would make a difference. "The smallest work of kindness to someone you dislike will help you dislike them just a little bit less." ~C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity. I think if we start being kind to the people we dislike (not kind to where you adore them as your best friend or family, because frankly that would be ridiculous) it will help us love them just a little bit more and dislike them just a little bit less. Well, I hope all of you are having a fabulous day! Here is your love verse of the day:

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love on another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." ~John 13:34-35

Today is the Day

Well, a lot has happened since I have updated. I changed the name of my blog because I have been trying to focus on God more and to love. Not just help people and be nice to them, but genuinely love them as Jesus did. (Sounds easier than it is) I'm doing my best but as the saying goes, practice makes perfect. This summer my mom and I are going to Romania. I am so excited to go, I have wanted to go since I was ten. I think it will really change me. I would like to invite all of my readers (ha, all two of you) to join me on April 8 to walk a day with no shoes. It's in association with TOMS shoes, which is an organization that every time you buy a pair of their shoes they give a pair to a child in need. It's called One Day with No Shoes, and it's to raise awareness for children, who in developing countries grow up with no shoes, barefoot. TOMS is working to change that, so they are going to be walking a day with no shoes. It doesn't have to be the whole day (I will be trying to go the whole day) it can be for a few hours or even a few minutes, but it's up to us to make a difference. Go to onedaywithoutshoes.com for more info. That's all for now.

By the way, my mom and I just finished watching Julie and Julia and it was really good! I loved it, although as a warning there was language, but other than that it was a great movie. Here is your love verse of the day:

Romans 12:9-13
"Love MUST be sincere! Hate what is evil; cling to what is good! Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord!"